The Cat's Meow - Extracts from the Diary of a Cat

Dear Readers
 
As you can see the body double photo has been replaced by a photo of me - aren't I gorgeous. My humans lured me onto the patting platform durng a recent bout of cold weather, hence the releaxed look. I would have preferred a more elegant phot, but humans cannot be relied on to meet this simple requirement. So, dear readers, you have to put up with a cutesy photo. But, you have to admit that I am gorgeous.

My name is Phoebe.  I’m a rather pretty grey and white tabby. I’ll talk to my humans about getting a photo of me for this website (in the meantime we have a stand in). Humans are so unreliable that it’s hard to get a photo that shows my true elegance and beauty, and not some cutesy photo of me doing something inappropriate.  I live with another cat, Agatha, and two humans – a female one and a male one.  I’ve agreed with my female human to share some extracts from my diary. For the record, I’m a Virgo, Agatha’s a Libran.

Sunday 15 November 

Today I saw a travel bag in one of my bedrooms.  This means one thing, one of my humans, or maybe both, are planning to go away and leave me and Agatha. at home, alone.  I’ll have to check that the phone is on speed-dial to the RSPCA.

What is it with humans and bedrooms? I can sleep anywhere, but they need a separate room, with the platform thing raised off the floor, with soft stuff on top. Humans sleep under the soft stuff, but I like to sleep on top.

Monday 16 November (evening)

Only my male human came home from work today, which can only mean that the female one has gone away.  I’ll check back later to see if this is the case.

Monday 16 November (later in the evening). I was right, the female has gone away. She’s the one who feeds me and Agatha. The male needs a lot of reminding to feed us. I may be starved by morning.

Thursday 19 November (evening)

My female human returned to the home. What a relief. Now I can be sure that someone will get out of bed at 5am to open my cat door and give me some food.  I made sure I told her that her desertion was unacceptable. I used my best snarly face and voice. I’ll wake her up several times tonight to let here know how displeased I am. She’ll probably think it’s because I’m pleased to see her back. OK, I am pleased to see her back.

Saturday 21 November (mid-morning)

I’ve been asleep in the garden for a couple of hours. I’ve just spotted my female human, time for some serious pat time.

Saturday 21 November (late evening)

My humans have other humans around. I’ve seen a strange car in the driveway, which usually means other humans visiting. I can hear them laughing and having a good time.  I think I’ll wander down to the house and see what’s happening. 

I don’t believe it! I went and looked in the window at the humans and THERE WAS A DOG IN MY HOUSE!  A DOG! What’s with these people.  A DOG. IN MY HOUSE. Words fail me. The dog growled at me. IN MY HOUSE. There used to be another cat here, Nutts, who was good at dealing with dogs. Sadly Nutts left this life and now there’s a dog in my house. Time to withdraw.

I came for another look and the dog was still there. I’m going to insist that my humans get me a mobile phone so I can always have the RSPCA on speed-dial and not to rely on the phone in the house, WHERE THERE IS A DOG. 

The other humans and the dog had gone. I made sure my humans knew my displeasure at the dog thing. They gave me some crunchy dry food and some raw meat to eat. Think I’ll herd the female human into bed, it’s well past my bedtime.