Jar of Jems

Dearest Jems,

Please accept my apology for totally missing our cyber dialogue for November.  Work and life has been so hectic that I haven’t had time to sit for five minutes.  However, when I look back I am pretty pleased with my accomplishments.  Anyway, My Friend, here is my December contribution – better late than never, I guess?

Our previous conversation took us into the crystalline waters of “affinity”.  I think we both agreed that there is a natural or instant affinity with some people and others receive a momentary glance?  I believe that we also agreed that a connection can be fleeting or an evolution from a friendship into an enduring relationship sustainable and committed to last a lifetime.

November I celebrated my wedding anniversary and during this time I reflected on our connection.  During this reflection I thought about our previous conversation and considered the affinity between my husband and me.  It was an instant spark that caught my attention.  Not long after that spark an electrical charged moment of wow – I really like this man.  He is honest, dependable, loyal, loving, gentle and kind.  These attributes flooded through my consciousness like a current to strong to ignore.

The strength of this initial voltage has forged a respectful and committed relationship.  We are still curious about each other – each day wanting to discover more and more.  We have travelled the world together and yet on the way home during a twenty four hour flight we are planning our next adventure.  This relationship is enduring, passionate and has all of the indicators of a relationship that will last a lifetime.  I am truly blessed.

Jems may this season of love and family bring you joy and happiness.  Enjoy this time of family and celebration.

Love and Blessings,

Jar

Dearest JAR,

I had to chuckle when you apologized for missing November’s Jar of Jems – November was such a busy month for me too, that I didn’t even realize we had missed it! The end of October with Halloween was a fun time, followed by a November out of town weekend wedding, then preparations for Thanksgiving and a week-long visit by our daughter home from college. The month simply flew by! I’m still unsure of how we got to December so quickly!

I was absolutely delighted that you revisited the subject of affinity, and included husband worship! The timing could not have been more synchronous. Next week my husband and I will be celebrating our 31st wedding anniversary. Over the Thanksgiving holiday our family experienced such a blissful state of being, that my feelings of gratitude nearly had me in tears of joy. That feeling has lingered on, and is now spilling over into anniversary mode. Perhaps it is that mode that has me, too, reviewing my marriage partner and the initial spark that has carried over to this day.

I feel that my married life has so far been divided into sections – the first section was a long stretch of blissful togetherness and passion, which after thirteen years morphed into parenthood: Section Two. Our blissful life with two, expanded to a blissful life with three. We wore the roles of parenthood dutifully and happily, and watched our marvellous baby girl grow into a marvelous adult being.

Fast Forward to the present: As I review the last couple of years, I see how no matter how sunny it has been, into every life some rain must fall. Everything grows, everything expands and contracts, new lives and life paths begin, old lives end. My mother-in-law passed away, my father became ill, our daughter was suddenly old enough to go to college, and our established personal patterns were no longer serving us as they had. So many life-changing events to be processed and digested...but the process, as necessary as it is in every life, is not always easy. It was absolutely essential for us to have chosen to reshape our thought patterns to match our inner journeys, for if it was not willingly done, then external events would take care of that for us!

Our old roles were painfully questioned – witnessing a parent’s death brings the unconscious question of, “Who am I without Mommy or Daddy?” Watching a child grow up and leave home brings the question, “Who am I when I am not needed as a parent?” And last of all, when we look at our choice of partner after so many years, we may ask,” What was it that attracted me to them in the first place?” Reassessing our place in this world is a constant process that occurs on a daily basis, but it’s usually only the big events that cause us discomfort.
Well, we did personally suffer some of that discomfort, and it was no picnic. This was one of those times that happens in a person’s life that drags you kicking and screaming to face the question of your own mortality, how to spend the time that you do have wisely, and who to spend it with!

After a long, soul-searching examination of my deepest self, I found that without all the props, the ambitions, the material accumulation, the familial indoctrination, and the inflated views of my Self, I found that my original feeling, the initial spark you speak of, JAR, was still burning, straight and true, at the very center of my being. After 31 years, the core of my being is still being fueled by my attraction and deep love that my husband and I have for each other. I guess after so long it’s hard to see who you are without the other! Perhaps that is what affinity and marriage is? A blending of selves that makes for comfort and kinship, to be counted on no matter how many cloudy or rainy days you have together.

So with my anniversary coming up next week, I am beginning Section Three of our married life: the discovery of who we are as a couple – again! This time around we have a different scenario, one that is richer, more fulfilling, more comfortable, and yet exciting and sexy – as time unfolds and allows us to explore new realms together and to blend the rewards and benefits of Sections One and Two.
I am deeply grateful for this beautiful blessing, and I am thrilled to my toes that you are having that experience in your Dream as well. We are mirrors, my Friend!

Beautiful Reflections always,
JEM