Julia's Journal September 2009 Archives

26 Days to go – Day XVII – Head banging

Confucius reminds us: “If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years plant trees; if in terms of one hundred years, teach the people.”

Have you ever been too grumpy to write? Have you ever been seething – so much so it has clouded your vision? Have you be so disappointed in your current state of affairs that you fee so bloody minded in your pursuit of anger? When do we stop banging our heads against a brick wall? Why do we continue until our brains are mush? Stop!!!

It’s day 17 on my detox and my weight has not dropped for two weeks – disappointment city. I feel let down and I feel cheated by my own body.

An old would is gaping in my soul and I feel all I am offered is salt to rub in. I feel battered and bruised by my current situation – however, I can’t help but blame myself for my role in this violent relationship. I am not being abused physically of course; it is directed emotionally and spiritually. My participation is that I am still allowing it to happen.

It’s a 10/1 day – endings and beginnings and it is time to stop this abusive love affair. I must rescue any remnants of my self esteem and move on. There is no other alternative. When your pleas fall on deaf ears and sign language does not work then give them the final sign and hit the highway and don’t come back no more, no more.

The Tower represents the lightning bolts out of the blue; the constant barrage of slights and toxic javelins.

Judgement is rebirth loud and strong – step away from the oppression and float with the Angels toward salvation.

The Magician taunts me with his promise of infinity; the upside down number eight beckons me toward destinations unknown. It’s a brave new world out there Julia, don’t be thwarted by the condemnation of others.

The wheel of fortune braces me in a crash position – ready for the fall out of recriminations of the past – it’s not up to you to change others it’s up to you to survive.

Yoda’s wise words echo in my conscious mind – “there is no try there is only do!” The stage is set, to teach by doing rather than the circular arguments and declarations of worthiness.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

27 Days to go – Day XVI – Contented souls

A number nine day presents itself on the numerological calendar. This is a day of resolution and empowerment. My current detox quest is entering day 16 and I am part the way into my new phase. It feels as though the stripping away of comfort food and tasty slashing drinks is a memory (a sugary memory). Now, my days are poised over a cup of herbal tea and rice snacks. The good part of that is – its not a huge impost – does that mean I’ve turned my life around completely – maybe? Or perhaps a noticeable shift in the benefits of healthy eating – I sure hope so!

The Hierophant, elegant in his royal regalia reminds me of the wisdom of my current mission. “Evolve or die, Julia” is sound out from his wise deliberations.

The Hermit shines his light on my current path – cobble stones and sticks make way for gold and silver stones.

The High Priestess acknowledges my journey so far. The harsh reality of withdrawal and the darkness of sitting in a room of sugar scoffers and smiling sweetly – never mind – my sugar is the sweet smell of success and the vitality in my stride.

Temperance glides in and lifts my eyes to the horizon – it will be a brave new world – believe in yourself and you will be victorious in your challenge for transformation.

At this significant signpost I feel more alive, vibrant, healthy and alert. My energy is sustainable and I am less inclined to slouch in front of the TV and knit or surf the web looking for x, y, z. My mind is stimulated active, curious and questioning – my body feels invigorated healthy vibrant and high functioning. The benefits are there – the results I desired some months ago are creeping by stealth overtaking the sullen and toxic behaviours of yester-year. I am feeling healthy and that is the greatest reward – I feel good and am aspiring to be great! Buddha once said: “Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.”

The tumultuous alignments in the skies are abating – Mercury is still in a backward motion however, I am power walking down the road toward my divine destination.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

28 Days to go – Day XV – Still waters run deep

To the mind that is still, the whole Universe surrenders.”

The benefice of the wheel of fortune sprawls into my morning spread. At one level the turning of the card offers joy, enlightenment and a sigh of relief. On the other side the wheel reminds me of the continual revolutions that push our lives along – Lady Luck do your job!

The High Priestess, Persephone encourages patience an prudence – be deliberate in your actions and don’t be wasteful (of your energy and time).

The Devil, an austere figure boldly takes me where I am most afraid to go – the sullage pit of my fears – the grease trap of emotions that lurk between the grates of my discontent.

Venus and Jupiter are alright tonight but the turmeric in the cauldron, Saturn and Uranus aim to spice it up. Saturn’s accompaniment is more represented by the bed of rise where Uranus is the tincture of dread – if you put in one drop too much then it is at your peril.

How can we digest this stew without burning our mouths out? How can a candlelit dinner with the string quartet (provided by Venus) playing soppy ballads sung by Neptune combined with the melting pot of Saturn and Uranus evolve into a romantic quest? There is one more ingredient in this dinner date – Mercury retrograde.

Mercury retrograde has the potential to toss in the wrong aperitifs or even send you to the wrong restaurant.

I guess caution and preparedness is the perfect side dish and if all else fails, a food fight at the end.

The constant flows of messages flood my mind. The ever increasing to do list takes two ticks forward and three back. The way I see it, is our lives are a constant monologue inside our head. The questions, the expectations, the memories that haunt us, the stuff ups, the invasion on our sense of dignity, the poor choices of the past with a death mask – this constant streaming causes our own internal chaos and eventually projects out into the world.

Today I am mindful of the status in my mind and choose to take the needle off the record player and sit in my favourite chair and indulge in peace and solitude.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

29 Days to go – Day XIV – light the light!

“We each are gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privildege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” Mary Dunbar

Day seven proposes a inwards spiritual journey. It’s a day of contemplation. This day of the nine day cycle offers us a moment to reflect on where we are and quite possibly pose a different direction. It is a time to discover our unique talents or change the course we are to ensure that we are back on track to where we need to be.

Life is a journey of self-discovery – of simple truths and difficult choices, sometimes we stray away from the vision we once held for ourselves, giving up our personal mission in lieu of every day responsibilities. Our hearts desire can sometimes simmer gently on the embers. Today is a great day to reignite that flame.

The familiar messages of passion and following ones destiny has been evident in the book – John Lennon: The Life. This biography reminds me of the pilot light within that eventually becomes the slow burning flame and once ignited the combustion of dreams is magnified. One such event was when John was introduced to Paul McCartney. As soon as the veil of suspicion was lowered the two young boys realised that there was magic in the words and music.

John’s drive, disappointment and fuelling the fire with his own passion was overtaken and thrust to a new threshold with the randomness and indulgent spark of Berlin, the tempering of the fire during periods of reflection after the return to Liverpool.

I’ve often thought what would have happened if the four young men hadn’t got together – if their flames did not ignite the mania that spread throughout our youth. I assume that if the Beatles did not exist then they would have pursued ordinary lives with a smattering of creativity. Then I realise that John, a disenfranchised soul, looking for something outside of him to quench the yearning would have fallen into a creative melting pot. He was unrelenting, bloody minded in his pursuit of his, “special light”.

The Moon and Chiron offer a taste of forgiveness today. This special time is for healing and enjoying this lunar remedy. Anoint your soul with this cosmic alignment. Remember to honour your special talents in a way that serves your soul journey.

It is day fourteen of the detox and I am doing fine. My spirits are soaring with the eagles and I am leaving the buzzards in the trees. I am grateful for my life.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

30 Days to go – day XIII - tilting at windmills

Our body is the windmill and love is the water.

The Moon returns to her natal house of Cancer. She pulls up a recliner, clicks on the TV with her remote and picks up one of her “girlie mags”. Scattered around her are delectable treats, sugary liaisons and emotion swilling ambrosia. She is back home and its time to her lun-li-ness. From this lofty vantage this cosy feeling is ushered toward all of us mere mortals.

Who is that dark figure lurking out there on horizon? Is a planet? Is a star? It’s a planetoid… Oh! No! Pluto has come to visit. He is sending her (the Moon) deep primal messages encouraging her to change her indulgent ways.

“Don’t take away my treaties!” she begs. “No I can’t live possibly eat carrot sticks and ready health magazines! It’s my 2.5 days of the month and all I want to do is relax – please don’t disturb this special time. It is a time to indulge myself with what I love to do.

He does not speak. He won’t engage. He doesn’t need to! His gaze is hypnotic and penetrating. He is Pluto – Lord of the Underworld. There is no more to be said, now is there?

Pluto is turning to direct motion after being retrograde since April. This forward motion is significant especially for Cancerians and Capricorns. However, we can all feel his presence lurking somewhere in the unconscious motivations of our emotional realm. He is encouraging us to drop the toxic baggage at the nearest station and purchase a ticket to ride to a new location.

Its day 13 of my detoxification. The impetus for this commitment was primarily to cleanse the toxins out of my body and regain healthy high functions organs. The ancillary benefit has been the relinquishing of negative thoughts, emotions and behaviours. I’m not done yet – obviously – still a little self-imposed roasting over a low flame.

My pilot light is my co-ruler, Pluto. He appears as the lighthouse to my fears. His light shines brightly over the rocky outcrop of my emotions. He is unrelenting in the pursuit of my evolution. And he is unyielding as my coach. His presence demands I relinquish the unwanted flotsam and jetsam from my life.

His demanding baritone voice bellowing, “Why do you want to carry that crap around with you? Why do you choose to be miserable on such a wonderful day? And you know you can’t change another person’s behaviour – it is you who must conform to fit the mould – at least for now!”

His taunts are deafening. Since I’ve never been one to get the message on the first instigation my lessons have been painful. In the past I have chosen to rebel and staunch in my resolve not to follow the path of least resistance instead carving out a painful road filled with potholes and broken limbs. No, Pluto’s ingénue had to do it the hard way – until now!

In this phase of my life I’ve mellowed, conformed and have learned to smile on cue. The crumpled face smoothed and crossed arms unfolded. Now I prefer a more elegant and demure demeanour and allowing the flow of energy to transit my body with ease.

The chariot offers a different route and I am up for the ride. Hop on board if you are tired or distressed and skip along the yellow brick road – where are those ruby red shoes?

The wheel of fortune spins in with the great benefactor’s blessing. The fool races out of the cave and suggest we travel lightly.

The Empress, Gaia, Earth mother, elite coaxes us into a new phase of self-love and soul nourishment.

It’s Sunday and the Sun is beaming through my window. It is time to rise and celebrate the ay – another opportunity to be a winner in your own race. So Be It!

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

31 days to go – day XII - Untying the knots

“Seek the wisdom that will untie your knot, see the path that demands your whole being.” Rumi

The Lunar Moon sits silently in her 9th house. She pulls up a cushion and in a composed demeanour folds one leg under another and contemplates her naval. Rumi’s quote (above) begs the question; must we always seek the path that demands our whole being?

As part of the Pluto in Leo generation I’ve often felt the devotion to transformation. In some respects I’ve felt that I am unconsciously drawn into situations where the secret mission is to create change (Pluto in Leo in the 12th house). In most respects it is not about transformation for others instead the metamorphosis within vibrates out into my environment.

Over my life I’ve undertaken significant changes – to my appearance, attitude, friends, jobs, and living arrangements. The driving force of my question is two fold: curiosity and the desire for challenge. Outcomes dictate that I am in a loop of constant evolution. This is fine of course until I push the boundaries of my relationships. I live or work with – family doesn’t count as they are stuck with me – sorry 

This life of mind is always in a state of flux. Why? Because I am in it! Yes, I drive the agenda (most times) – living a multi-faceted existence – the reality or normalcy drops in and the expectations are set – the mild-mannered business suit is peeled away and the outer layers reflect the inner gypsy. I suppose that this is “normal” for most people – maybe?

I once read about a postman in England who lived a double life. A diligent public servant by day and then at night he was a prolific writer. Can you glean how he lived this life of duplicity? One moment he is delivering letters through an inanimate object and the next he is the hero in a duel with the latest villain – how ripe is that? I suppose we all have the Superman complex going on?

The Chariot collects my dreams and hurtles them down the road in two directions.

Hermit warns, watch your step Girlie – it is a rocky world out there!

The Moon tickles my fancy – facilitating creative pursuits – pick up your pen and open your heart. A journey revealed is a healing wand. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. It’s easy to be human 

The Lovers demands respect and communication, equality and integrity in love; a delicate balance of loving yourself and significant others

It’s day 12 of my detox and I am preparing for the next phase: renew – this phase is about repair and renew my digestive lining and replace bad bacteria with beneficial ones called probiotics. These good bacteria have a number of healthy actions, including controlling the growth of bad bacteria, reducing inflammation and helping me absorb nutrients effectively. Once established a small army inside my body will protect my digesting and seek to remove invading organisms – lovely!

In honour of Stage: 1 remove – and having a body scrub and vischy shower and then off to my favourite hairdresser (in the whole wide world). She is a gorgeous creative Leo woman whom I wish I could pick up after each session and take home with me. She is honest and decisive. When I sit in her chair and suggest a radical change she gently guides me back to a hair do I can live with. As I leave the salon I consider – it wasn’t what I asked for but it works. Pure magic!

The dye is cast for my day; ritualistic expectations and interludes of pampering – perfect balance. It’s the weekend and a time to relax, indulge – create the world you want in the time you’ve got – enjoy and don’t waste a minute. For we all know that the business suits present themselves far too quickly!

Peace and love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

32 Days to go – a new lunar phase

“Be master of mind rather than mastered by your mind.” Zen Proverb

The Moon has moved from Taurus into Gemini. I have to be honest here and say that I lurv the Moon in my natal Gemini. When this phase occurs it feels cosy. Well, only for a second because in a flash the quick silver Mercury pulses into a myriad of directions. I guess that is why I like rainbows so much – the remind me of the beauty of our imagination – brilliant, fleeting, inspirational and illusive.

I adore having my moon in Gemini for a millions reasons but most of all because she gives a voice or rationalises my deep dark Scorpio bits. Conversely, my natal Mercury is in Scorpio so you can see my dilemma. While I want to skip the light fantastic over the deep dark forest of my emotional realm – Mercury in Scorpio says, nah don’t think so dahlink (very Marlena Deitrich). I guess we all have aspects of our charts that we love and those we could pack up in a box and send to Siberia.

So how can we embrace the “not so pretty bits”, motivate the lazy traits and turn the silk purse out of a horse behind. I propose that we use the power of the mind. What do you think?

Of course you realise that this suggestion is purely motivated by my ninth house brimming with Moon and Jupiter collaborating in a philosophical love quest. Whatever works for you! No, I’m not being flippant (this time) it’s true, what ever rocks your world and beyond (no OTT – <giggle>).

It’s day 11 on the detox-o-rama – blah, blah, blah – so what, big deal – well at least today anyway!

Judgement rebirth, letting go and moving on – thank goodness it’s bloody-well time (Oh just made a Saturn-ised joke!).

Justice slicing away the unwanted, - geez – I wish – a little off the thigh please – no both you ninny!

Hierophant commands – let’s get serious, serious, serious – no don’t think so oh wise one – too much fun to be had!

Ah my Mentor, Hermes – the Magician – where has all the magic gone? It’s Friday get out your boogie shoes and tape dance through the day. So Be It.

Peace and Love,
Julia Ashton-Sayers

33 Days to go – habit forming

The Moon in Taurus links lovingly to luscious Venus today enticing us down the road of indulgence, I am aware but not alarmed. To overcome this delicious seduction I’ve decided to fill my day with long term fantasies of how I will look and feel in the future when my detox is over. I am off to the shops today – yes a day off to take care of necessary personal business, errands, a little retail therapy, maybe a little spray at the perfume counter and finally, the perfect end to the day with a MLD (manual lymphatic drainage).

I’ve deliberately booked a MLD treatment for today as a way of assisting the detoxification and as another reminder to stay committed to my goal. It’s day 10 and the shrill of toxins leaving my body is down to a dull chant. I feel that I’ve passed a milestone at seven days but now the grove is happening, the resistance has progressed to acceptance and habits (good and healthy) are forming. More importantly, the food pushers have moved the rhetoric on to other questions, “so what are you going to do after the detox?”

Good question: and my response is, make a conscious effort to embed this healthy lifestyle in my future maintenance program. I am sure that I would find it difficult to be so regimented for the rest of my life. However, if I feel the benefits are giving me the natural high e.g. feeling good, skin glowing, clothes fit with ease etc. etc., then perhaps this transition phase will be my life choice.

Something happened yesterday which made me think that living like this would be a good option. Some said, “wow your eyes are so blue and are glistening with a vibrant glow. I thought, no, can’t be and I looked in the mirror and the grey green shades of blue had turned into a brilliant blue. I was astounded. In such a short time I felt totally amazed with such a significant change. These are the moments I will think about today.

Another change that took place was the desire to read. Over the past ten days or so I’ve not picked up a book. Sure, I am constantly reading at work all day in fact I read from a computer screen – but this is work and I must do just that. Sadly, I’ve simply not wanted to read anything for fun or enjoyment. However, last night I grabbed a book that has been sitting on my small book stand in the bedroom. It is a book I had brought after the John Lennon Exhibition in Ballarat. The book is: John Lennon: The Life – by Philip Norman.

The book is the size of two house bricks but of course the subject matter is compelling. I picked up the book last night and digested every word with enthusiasm. It is an easy read and most certainly very well written. I found myself sated by the short journey into John Winston’s life.

Previously, I was aware of his tumultuous childhood. The uncertainaity and the chaos of family life had left him wanting that sublime connect with his mother, Julia. I feel sad as I turned the pages of his youth and considered how thee events had etched addictive behaviours into his psyche. The gap between reality and fantasy was a painful canyon in his mind.

I thought about my own life and how my behaviour had impacted on those I love. This made me even sadder. I, too, was an unsatisfied and reckless “Julia” and now I wonder what damage I have caused to others. I tried to forgive myself and make amends in my higher consciousness. Have I healed the scars of imperfection? All I can say is, Julia is a work in progress!

“If you are respectful of habit, constantly honouring the worthy, four things increase:
Long life,
Beauty,
Happiness,
Strength

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

34 Days to go – Possibilities

Over the past few days I’ve seen lots of numbers presenting in triple e.g. 111; 222; 333; 555. Today we have a calendar date of 999. Usually the triple or quad presentations are indicators of Angelic communication. I’m not certain what the 999 represents – perhaps I will tell you tomorrow. Ironically, it is day 9 of my detox – how wonderfully spooky!

Number 9 usually suggests empowerment and resolution. However, today’s date is: 9th, 9th month and year 2009 (11/2) = 2 the day calculates as a number two day; the number two is about partnerships and agreements perhaps (even stretching the possibilities here) a day of cooperation and collaboration – how nice?

I feel the blessing of Venus invigorating me with her glittering presence in my spread. She shines like a star dancing in the scattered rainbows across my room. I feel light, bright and breezy. Apollo the Sun God plays his golden harp as the lovers embrace – life is good do not waste a moment.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

35 Days to go – contentment and peace – Buddha

The intensity of the Aries moon has passed and now the moon has settled into the Venus-ruled Taurean phase. Taurean’s are practical and very sensual people they love good food, pampering – the banquet of life really.

It is a 10/1 day – a day of endings and beginnings. I feel this energy fill my life with the end of the harsh reality of the detox. There have been times over the past week when I’ve really struggled with withdrawal from coffee and giving up some other delectable pleasures – not to mention the headaches – but I have pursued and now I feel good.

Temperance offers an omniscient perspective guiding me above the sea of adversity. She is a beacon of hope. Her poise and elegance is compelling – encouraging me to leave the chaos of my emotions and float with her on an air of tranquillity.

The Moon facilitates creativity. She is representative of the arts. Her presence in my life is the orb of inspiration – encouraging me to honour my creative journey.

The World is my oyster. Venus, Goddess of love, beauty and wealth surrounds me in an abundant garland of riches. My mantra is: I am healthy, wealthy and wise. Her vulnerability captures my imagination and takes me to far away destinations.

The Sun is peeping through my window. The grey, volatiles skies of yesterday have exploded volumes of water and now that the storms have passed we a greeted with clarity. The sky is crystal clear and the view is pristine and fresh. My outer world reflects this current phase of my inner kingdom. The rough and tumble clashes of the internal torment have eased and now I can take a long, deep, cleansing breathe. I feel blessed in many ways and now it is time to rest.

Buddha once said:

Health is the greatest gift,
Contentment the greatest wealth,
Faithfulness the best relationship

These words spoken so long ago are the mantra for my day. I am at peace – I am enjoying the moment. This is the instant of realisation that I am the creator of my world and I am satisfied with my creation.

Peace and Love,
Julia Ashton-Sayers

36 Days to go – a long road to hoe

The gentle pitter patter on my window is delightful. This liquid gold is the perfect remedy for the dry and dusty drought ridden alpine region.

It’s a number nice day – a day of empowerment and resolution. Mercury goes retrograde today so it is a time to rethink propositions and carefully consider decisions before acting upon them. It’s funny but I don’t fear this phase instead I respect the backward movement of this tiny planet and capitalise on this time as a reflective period. With my Moon and Jupiter in Gemini in the ninth house I consider the retro-phase as a planning time rather than racing ahead making choices I may one day regret.

It is day VII of the detox and I feel fine – a little like the Beatles song, “baby’s in love with me and I feel fine.” My body is in acceptance mode, there doesn’t seem to be any real nagging complaints. The turmoil of the headache from hell has passed and I have a few strands of cotton-wool floating around in my skull. The benefit right now is the clarity of mind and the energy to get things done.

Yesterday for example I swear I piled three days of tasks into one small day – then went to bed early to linger in the quietness of my room. It was lovely to meditate and focus on my breath, see goals that I am working toward and envisage myself in my new wardrobe of clothes and how I will look.

Prometheus suggests going with the flow. The Universe is supporting this phase of elimination. The Devil stomps in and reminds me of my commitment to re-evaluate my choices – relinquish the bonds of fear and I will be set free. Hermes, my ally facilitates the awareness of my innate abilities and how they will carry me toward my destiny. I have all of the tools necessary to carve out a magical future.

The 42 day quest for detoxification and rejuvenation of my mind, body and spirit is underway. I have stepped over some road bumps and excavated a couple of pot holes but I am confident that I posses essential criteria for navigation and ultimately success. It’s a long road to hoe – but I’ve got the implements to go, go, go!

Peace and Love,

Julia

37 Days to go – Walking with the High Priestess

The Moon in Aries encourages motivation and childish enthusiasm. It’s a number eight day – a day of balance and harmony. Athena rules my inner realm with a detached demeanour offer the sword of discernment to cut away the superfluous.

The Food emerges from my weary body skipping toward destinations unknown. Funny thing is, I don’t really want to know the outcome as I am along for the ride.

Strength proposes courage to meet my personal goals and the dedication to the cause. Is it a “just cause?” I don’t know – I will tell you when I get there.

The energy of the morning is swirling and harmonious. I am spinning around and around participating in my own twirling game. My binoculars are locked on to a point off in the distance but there is no clarity – the lens is adjusted but still I can’t see the whole picture.

My world feels like the concept behind the Big Bang theory. Today I am holding a small crystal sphere in my palm – trying to gaze into it while trying to scribe the orb to predict the future.

Acceptances washes over me and I ease into my own nebula – full of gas and ready to form my own cosmos. The microscopic organisms reside in each cell ready to explode into orbit. Today I will immerse myself in the prospect of what will be while being profoundly grateful for where I am right now.

The power of Pluto in my mind zone refurbishes the wish list from beyond the mountains of fear and disappointment. He gazes into my soul and wraps his cape around me while we exchange conversations in silence.

Persephone takes my hand and gently guides me out of the cavern of solitude. The darkness is over and your consult with the Dark Lord is done. My world glows with a fresh perspective – the birth of a new day envelopes me in joy.

The yard is white – Jack Frost has come to visit. While diamond duvets wrap around the tiny bulbs and flash across the delicate face of my pansies. The kiss from the icy goblin does not diminish their beauty.

It is a sleepy Sunday morning and I am excited about my current phase. The headaches and nausea of the past few days is melting away. The dilatants of distilled water and herbal teas made from pomegranate and gogi berries have flooded my digestive system with a positive force. Fresh unprocessed food have been munched and crunched revealing a new taste sensation with each conscious mouthful.

My day has been planned with a relaxing massage as the entre. The main course is to dwell with the interludes of my imagination. Dessert is the savouring the sweetness of my bliss of day six!

I stand strong in my personal power – with true power that comes with nothing from beyond my reach. So Be It!

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

PS: Persephone represents change and transformation - a chameleon who can be whatever someone wants her to be. Out of all types, she is the most dependent on her parents or her lover and tends to need these relationships to feel safe. However, she usually undergoes a period of psychological distress at some point, which opens her up to be more independent, assertive, and enables her to inspire transformations in other people as well. http://www.okcupid.com/

38 Days to go – untangling the cotton wool head

The Empress and Emperor hold hands while the sun captures my crystals overhead. The rays shimmer into miniature rainbows across my page as I write.

The cotton-wool in my head is dissipating with the microfibers relinquishing the claws of coffee withdrawal. My thoughts are tinged with clarity and my sentences have forged ahead into the full stop – period. I want to savour this moment and yet I am berating myself for the coffee addiction and previous poor food choices.

Why have I allowed myself to gulp down oceans of coffee and masticate tonnes of food that was not good for me? I don’t want to sound pious but really – what was I thinking? Probably wasn’t really thinking at all. Why does it take us so long to realise we are poisoning our bodies with denial.

I can hear myself espouse parables of denunciation, “one slice won’t hurt!” or, “just one more”. I don’t know why I’ve done this to myself – my own plea in mitigation is that I am human and I bring all of my frailties and complexities to the dinner table.

I have chosen defiance and more excuses than enthusiasm as part of my daily rhetoric and motto. Now, the shadows of denial are shifting and I am dancing in the rainbows.

Today is a number seven day of inner reflection and searching for that inner wisdom (we are all meant to have). This philosophical sojourn is undertaken with the shovel of discernment.

It is Saturday and I am embracing the lustre of the morn – the freedom to spend some precious moments with me.

Question: does the romantic soul even grow up? Do we ever get passed the prospect of a happy ending? Why is a grown woman still yearning for the girl and boy living happily ever after scenario? Is this naive? My quest is to find the answer to these questions and more and get back to you.

Last night I had a dream about Severus Snape. I was in his classroom and there were snakes slithering around the floor. I was wearing a white satin nightgown and sitting cross legged on his desk. I offered him an apple and he glared at me and with a twinkle in his eye he turned the fruit into a bunch of flowers. He wrapped his cape around his body and I could hear him say, “I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses.” I replied, “I thought I was here to learn the dark arts.”

Not sure what it means but interesting don’t you think?

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

39 Days to go – Sweet surrender

Day IV of the detox and I’ve just got off the scales and the result is mind blowing. I’ve lost 1.5 kilos in three days – woa! What headache? What nausea? What goodies did I have to give up? I don’t care with that result  Of course it’s not all about the weight loss but that is a pretty nice reward, isn’t it?

Yasmin Boland (http://www.yasminboland.com/) has suggested in her weekly column that we connect with Angels which align to the moon phase of the day. Today she offers the Angel in the early phase of Pisces: Eyael, Angel of Transformation. I am taking up Yasmin’s proposition and asking Eyael to guide and support me through my transformation.

It’s a number six day – a day of commitment and responsibility. I am aware that this program requires just that. The Moon is in Pisces and the Sun in Virgo. These two signs are the opposite end of the spectrum and offer a balance between reality and fantasy – noice.

My morning spread encourages creativity (The Moon); unexpected events (Tower) and an opportunity to slice away the unwanted kilos (Justice – the scales). Go figure.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

40 Days – up against it!

It’s the third day of my detox and I feel awful. The toxins are swirling around in my body scurrying to find an appropriate exit. I feel nauseated, blocked, grumpy and even teary. On the other hand I am enjoying the food I’m eating and the water and herbal teas I am drinking. I feel that with every conscious breath I am taking I am one step closer to my divine self.

It’s strange how the detox is taking over my life. The word detox and all of its repercussions and outcomes permeates my conversations. I’ve even noticed how my work colleagues are talking about detoxification – it’s downright contagious.

Honestly, between you and me I don’t think that the change in dietary regime or the commitment to a detox has formed a habit in my daily routine. However, I feel the pull of conscious living as an aphrodisiac to my future dedication. I have a feeling that during these six weeks it will not only be toxins that will be eliminated from my body there will be many other blockages tossed aside.

Even though I anguish over the loss of the smell of my morning brew all things considered I’m peaking over the crest of the first hurdle in this 42 day climb.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

41 Days – a realisation

It is a number four day perfect to lay foundations for the future. It is also another reality check day. Day 2 of the detox has given me some food for though – pardon the pun. Well actually it is not so much the food that I am craving – it is coffee. Yes, I feel as though I have the coffee monster within chanting – “I want coffee; coffee; coffee; coffee”. I have a blinding headache and my head feels like it has been inhabited by the cotton wool goblin. MoonHawk http://www.jestacom.biz/newsite/ezine/natural_living.htm has promised me that I will have clarity in the coming weeks and I guess that is what I am craving – the internal spring clean and the feeling of well being.

I’ve been concerned for a long time about my toxic living. It is not that I have many bad habits – I don’t smoke and I occasionally drink socially – the food I eat is healthy and I am consciously aware of my thoughts. What I crave most from the outcome of this program is a rite of passage for a healthier lifestyle.

Already, I’ve noticed subtle changes in my thoughts. Yesterday, I considered my reading material – I had some books that were given to me. They were a genre I had not read for some time. I read one book and the plot was predictable and frustrating as the main characters had not arrived at an obvious conclusion for many chapters. I thought, why am I reading these books if they are not giving me the information I desire or a positive buzz? I gave thanks for the opportunity to read them and I’ve packed them away.

Now, I’ve got my book, “Chiron: The rainbow bridge between the inner and outer planets”, by Barbara Hand Clow on my bedside table. This is the book I will indulge my senses in while relaxing.

As I was making these decisions about my reading material I thought that we form habits and daily rituals unconsciously watching TV or listening to music. Are they always good for us? Do they make us feel good or not so good? Now, is a time of making those conscious choices?

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers

42 Days – a new beginning

It is the first day of Spring and to mark this season I’ve decided to rejuvenate my body with a three phased detox program. So, today is the first day of a 42 day commitment to detox my internal organs. This program has been designed by my herbalist, MoonHawk http://www.jestacom.biz/newsite/ezine/natural_living.htm and under her guidance I will tackle this six week program in a three-phased approach:

Stage: 1 – Remove unfriendly bacteria, yeasts, parasites that may be living in my digestive system (yuck).

Stage: 2 – Renew and repair my digestive lining and replace bad bacteria with beneficial ones called, “probiotics”.

Stage: 3 – Release – support and enhance the capacity of the liver to take wastes from the bloodstream, break them down and them remove them via the elimination system.

This commitment marks another healing journey for my transformation of health and wellbeing. The first phase to loose weight was undertaken 18 months ago. I’ve achieved that goal and feel fantastic for the drop in numerous dress sizes and numbers on the scales.

As an official start to the detox program I’ve got on the scales this morning. Alarmingly I’ve crept on a couple of kilos over the past few weeks. This is no surprise of course as I’ve had gormandised myself on the premise that, “I’m starting my detox so I will feast now and purge later!” Not real smart is it?

Of course there was a holiday last week and who can diet on holidays? Not me, obviously! Today is a reality check and I am going to own the numbers. The plan is to become healthier and drop a few kilos on the way – I will share these experiences with you in my journal.

Peace and Love,

Julia Ashton-Sayers